Post by ellescee on Jan 14, 2007 20:40:31 GMT -7
Rules on How To Eat Like A Bird
1. It is always preferable to eat outside the cage, most desirable being stealing inside someone ELSE'S cage, close
runner-up being begging from humans eating.
2. If confined to cage (oh the horror), pick through offerings, fling out everything (if you are a flinger) or drop it straight
down, slowly and deliberately (if you are a dropper) - especially if food is freshly proffered, thereby wasting good
grapes, apples, carrots, broccoli, snow pea pods, beets, chile peppers, oranges, etc. Never mind that there are birds
starving in cramped cages under blankets who only get stale sunflower/safflower seed mix from the 99 cent store on
occasion.
3. If you have exhausted the supply or grown tired of the activity of flinging fresh food, stand inside the seed or pellet
dish and either dig out all the contents with your hind leg or turn around, stand on the edge and sweep the contents out
with your beak.
4. If given a wedge of fresh melon, tear it apart, leave some on your beak, stand up straight and shake your head,
thereby spraying particles and debris throughout the immediate vicinity. Perhaps some of it will land on the buttons of
the remote control thereby gumming up the "up" or "down" buttons, and perhaps splattering the TV screen or
someone's clean white T-shirt.
5. Raspberries and other darkly colored fruits must be held in the feet. When done, insist on climbing all over human,
again, preferably wearing clean white T-shirt. Also, attempt to punch holes in shirt, especially if it is a new T-shirt. Beak
wiping is also mandatory on this item of clothing.
6. When eating anything involving (other) animal protein (such as steak, eggs, etc.) or sugar (chunks of fruit, once
again), make sure to drop bits in places that the human does not see so that the ants can eat, too. This would be the
only area in which you could be accused of demonstrating compassion for other living things.
7. When human refuses to share food, do whatever it takes to get to the food, be it crawl, climb, dangle, hang, swing,
jump, tumble, stand straight out from the side of the cage or fly. Looking pitifully sorrowful is always successful. When
you finally get what you think you want, throw it to the ground in disgust. This is the height of the haughty, manipulative
behavior you seek to perfect.
8. Lastly, never allow humans to see you enjoying the things you know they think you should be eating. Eat in secret
the sprouts and veggies they give you. If you must eat the things you flung to the floor of the cage, make sure they are
the ones you haven't also pooped on. NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU EAT!!
I found this at a local parrot rescue's website (http://www.pamperedparrots.org).
Elly
1. It is always preferable to eat outside the cage, most desirable being stealing inside someone ELSE'S cage, close
runner-up being begging from humans eating.
2. If confined to cage (oh the horror), pick through offerings, fling out everything (if you are a flinger) or drop it straight
down, slowly and deliberately (if you are a dropper) - especially if food is freshly proffered, thereby wasting good
grapes, apples, carrots, broccoli, snow pea pods, beets, chile peppers, oranges, etc. Never mind that there are birds
starving in cramped cages under blankets who only get stale sunflower/safflower seed mix from the 99 cent store on
occasion.
3. If you have exhausted the supply or grown tired of the activity of flinging fresh food, stand inside the seed or pellet
dish and either dig out all the contents with your hind leg or turn around, stand on the edge and sweep the contents out
with your beak.
4. If given a wedge of fresh melon, tear it apart, leave some on your beak, stand up straight and shake your head,
thereby spraying particles and debris throughout the immediate vicinity. Perhaps some of it will land on the buttons of
the remote control thereby gumming up the "up" or "down" buttons, and perhaps splattering the TV screen or
someone's clean white T-shirt.
5. Raspberries and other darkly colored fruits must be held in the feet. When done, insist on climbing all over human,
again, preferably wearing clean white T-shirt. Also, attempt to punch holes in shirt, especially if it is a new T-shirt. Beak
wiping is also mandatory on this item of clothing.
6. When eating anything involving (other) animal protein (such as steak, eggs, etc.) or sugar (chunks of fruit, once
again), make sure to drop bits in places that the human does not see so that the ants can eat, too. This would be the
only area in which you could be accused of demonstrating compassion for other living things.
7. When human refuses to share food, do whatever it takes to get to the food, be it crawl, climb, dangle, hang, swing,
jump, tumble, stand straight out from the side of the cage or fly. Looking pitifully sorrowful is always successful. When
you finally get what you think you want, throw it to the ground in disgust. This is the height of the haughty, manipulative
behavior you seek to perfect.
8. Lastly, never allow humans to see you enjoying the things you know they think you should be eating. Eat in secret
the sprouts and veggies they give you. If you must eat the things you flung to the floor of the cage, make sure they are
the ones you haven't also pooped on. NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU EAT!!
I found this at a local parrot rescue's website (http://www.pamperedparrots.org).
Elly
.
. 
